DENHAM SPRINGS — A Denham Springs woman is speaking out about the years of abuse she endured starting as a teenager in hopes of helping others recognize the warning signs she once missed.
A year ago, she reported her ex-boyfriend to the Denham Springs Police Department, leading to his arrest on multiple charges, including domestic abuse, stalking, third-degree rape, false imprisonment, and cyberstalking.
Though she wishes to remain anonymous, she now wants to use her experience to educate and advocate for others in similar situations. Over the past year, she has researched domestic violence extensively and realized how much she didn’t know while living through it herself.
February was recognized as Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Since her abusive relationship began in high school, she is committed to helping others recognize the warning signs she overlooked as a teenager.
“It’s become important to me to spread awareness about domestic violence,” she told UWK.
Legal Outcome and Plea Deal
Earlier this month, her ex accepted a plea deal that reduced the charges to domestic battery and improper telecommunications, resulting in no jail time. Instead, he was sentenced to two years of probation and less than 10 days of community service.
A protective order is in place for the next decade.
Initially, the District Attorney’s office pursued the most substantial charges they believed could be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. However, as the case progressed, the DA advised her that coming forward sooner and not returning to her ex would have strengthened the case.
Ultimately, the DA offered a plea deal, which the judge initially refused to approve, she said. When first presented with the deal, she had only a weekend to prepare and submit her victim impact statement.
Her statement reads in part:
“I still struggle with the trauma all of this has caused. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I have flashbacks and nightmares of these events reoccurring. I moved to a different city. I lost so much weight. My hair started falling out due to the trauma. He told me he only did these things because I did not listen, act correctly, or keep my mouth shut. So I sacrificed my own beliefs, gave in to things I wasn’t comfortable with, and, most importantly, kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to risk what he said he would do if anyone found out.”
The Beginning of the Relationship
Her relationship with her ex lasted seven years, beginning when she was 16. He was her first boyfriend.
There were early warning signs she didn’t recognize at the time but now sees clearly.
“I just thought everything was pretty normal,” she said.
She only realized the severity of the situation when she moved in with him at 21. He became increasingly angry, punching walls, denting his car, and breaking household items.
During this period, she was a student teacher. After coming home from work, she was responsible for cooking, cleaning, and laundry. If she did not complete these tasks “properly,” he would scream at her for hours.
‘He Said He Never Wanted to Hear My Voice Again’
One of the most terrifying incidents opened her eyes to the kind of person she was dating. One night, he was angry while she lay on the couch covered with a blanket.
“He comes over, and he starts to try to pull the blanket off of me, and I’m like, ‘What are you doing?’ And I start pulling the blanket back,” she explained. “And he told me he doesn’t ever want to hear my voice again and that he’s about to suffocate me with this blanket.”
She struggled to process his actions, unable to comprehend how he could not only think about hurting her but also attempt to follow through.
“I was in shock…I couldn’t believe it in that moment.”
His constant shifts in character left her in a state of confusion. “I would see this dark side of him, but then also I would see how good he could be. And it in that exact moment (with the blanket), it was the first time I saw his true dark side.”
Escalating Incidents of Abuse
Despite the incident, the abuse continued to escalate.
She eventually moved out and cut off communication for two months. However, when he apologized and claimed to have changed, attending church and promising to be different, she gave him another chance.
Seeing this change in him, the woman said she decided to give him another chance.
“Immediately after taking him back, he went back into being angry all the time, blaming me for everything, and he would threaten suicide almost every day,” she said.
He would tell her he would kill himself if she didn’t come see him immediately. She felt like “his life was my responsibility” and did everything possible to prevent him from carrying out his threats.
Since she no longer lived with him, he began stalking her, parking outside her parents’ home for hours to track her whereabouts.
“He would accuse me of cheating on him, and I would have to start sending him pictures and videos of what I was doing, who I was with every few minutes,” she said. This meant she was on her phone constantly.
He even attempted to enter the school where she worked. When she stopped communicating with him, he threatened to show up at her workplace. She informed school officials, who banned him from campus.
Months later, he reached out again, claiming he had changed and needed her in his life.
“I believed him again,” she admitted. She went back to him, and the abuse worsened. He called her degrading names, demanded she “act like a woman is supposed to,” and insisted she obey him.
Although he had previously threatened her with guns, this time, it became more frequent.
“When I was over at his house, he would pull out his gun, get me to the door, not let me leave, chase me around the house with his gun,” she said. He would also send her photos and videos of him with his guns to remind her what he could do.
The abuse extended to sexual violence, and he threatened to harm others if she called for help, she told UWK.
The Breaking Point
The last night she stayed with him, they went out to eat and drink. She has no memory of what happened afterward but woke up in different clothes than she had worn that night.
When she asked him about it, he told her she had been so drunk that she wouldn’t sit in the car’s seat, only on the floorboard. He said he had to carry her inside, where he proceeded to have sex with her.
“I just couldn’t believe that he would admit that to me. I figured it would be something he would keep to himself forever,” she said.
She told UWK that she struggled to recall any part of the night and experienced physical difficulty standing the next day.
When she attempted to text her mother for help, he took her phone, threatening to throw it through her mom’s windshield if she showed up.
That was the breaking point.
“It took me all day to be able to just stand up and leave. And I left,” she said. “After that, I never went back to him.”
Seeking Justice
Even after she left, he continued stalking her. Her friends urged her to go to the police.
Although she had previously reported him with no action taken, she hoped the authorities would now see a pattern.
This time, a deputy assured her he would be arrested. After his arrest, he spent 30 days in jail. Upon release, he was placed on house arrest with an ankle monitor and barred from her workplace and home.
Speaking Out
Because February was Teen Violence Awareness Month, she asked her therapist to speak to students about situations like hers to raise awareness. She is also in talks with a podcast to share her story.
“It’s just another way to spread awareness and educate others about what can happen.”
While her journey is ongoing, she feels empowered now that the court case has ended. She hopes to continue learning about domestic violence, helping others recognize the warning signs, and empowering victims to leave abusive situations behind.
How to Get Help
Dating violence is more common than many realize, especially among teens and young adults. In the U.S., 1 in 3 teenagers will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from a dating partner before reaching adulthood. Among college women, nearly 43% report experiencing violent or abusive behavior in their relationships.
If you’re experiencing abuse, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse.
Internet usage can be monitored and is impossible to erase completely. If you’re concerned your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233).
You can also text “START” to 88788, message and data rates may apply.
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